The Life of a Stranger

I had a really strange experience, it only lasted a few minutes at most. This has happened to me once before but I only remembered once it happened again this time. Basically the best way I can describe it is that suddenly I feel I get this sense of my life as though I were a stranger looking in on it. I can remember everything but all in this strange detached and objective way, like looking down on the wanderings of a random ant. But in some way I feel as if this detachment can give me some clarity, some insight... I looked at all the main aspects of my life and thought- Christ is that seriously me? Is that mine? And it wasn't exactly in a woeful 'my life sucks' kind of way just kind of like falling into or waking from some strange dream and being having way between reality and fantasy. I remember last time reaching out to touch something solid to help me shake the feeling I was dreaming I can't begin to imagine what causes this... but last time it happened, I think now with perspective, was last summer maybe not long after a break up, I guess it might well be something to do with random chemicals acting in the brain... it's a bot like being drunk except I don't think I've ever had such an extreme 'Birds-eye view of my life' feeling when drunk but sometimes it's hard to connect experiences when you're not in the moment... I didn't even remember about my first one until this happened.

It's left me feeling odd and uneasy but also made me look at some events in a really distant way- just the perspective of 'did that really happen?' has kind of made me feel better about some stuff, if it can go away that quickly then oh well nothing matters really so might as well make the most of it ^_^ resolved to continue with my art (mixed media self portrait thingy I'm planning) and craft (jewellery mostly) projects, keep looking for a job, revise for my exams and have some awesome adventures with my Besties this summer.

I wish you many rainbows,
Loves!

Girl: colourful, awkward and a little bit strange

I've been thinking lately, I'd like to have that someone I can call at random times and do something random with. Because, lately, i've had a strong desire to go on adventures... Do silly random things, discover things and see things i've always wanted to. I'm not saying I don't have friends I do random things with because I do and I love those guys! But not everyone is so spontaneous and I feel I want to be more so and equally we never seem to think of random free things to do. Whenever I do have ideas it seems to be completely the wrong time.

What got me thinking this was initial a random Tesco trip at night with my brother and his lovely girlfriend... Now I know that doesn't sound that exciting but it's interesting how my fun and laughter you can find at midnight in a supermarket... It's always slightly surreal shopping at that sort of time anyway... When the skeleton staff are basically just shuffling around stocking the shelves and the litter of this process is strewn over the floor. You always manage to notice different things not just because the place is more or less empty but because somehow I think your mind will see things differently at that kind of hour.

I feel i've been thinking rather randomly and abstractly lately perhaps I'm nearing some kind of epiphany about my life... I could certainly do with one... But for now I'm happy, still single, still unemployed but happy that i'm being the best person I can be. Loves!!
Xxx